I Know He LOVES Me, I Know He Hears Me ~ ~ ~

This week has really flown by and for the first time ever I have not looked forward to the weekend. I know it is because it is the beginning of the week in my life that I really just wish God could delete and move us ahead about 3 weeks and maybe we could have some normal back to our lives. I have actually had a wonderful weekend so far and I will fill you in on some of that in a minute but tonight ...I just want to cry, or maybe scream, or maybe just run till all the breath is out of my body. I am having a serious meltdown and why on this perfect day? I don't know, but I know that God does and he loves me inspite of my tears and my anger. I know he loves me, I know he hears me, I know he does.

The last few days have actually humbled me to see and be amazed by the love of God that is in people. Real hearts of God. The love that has been shown to me and my family in the last week has utterly brought me to my knees. It is not "BIG" things, it is the simple things, the wordless hugs and I love you and I am praying, instead of trying to say something that wouldn't mean anything.  A business associate friend came by my office and handed me a dell laptop just out of the blue, she said I knew that you didn't have one and I wanted you to take mine to the hospital with you so that you can post updates about Zeb. We all will be waiting to hear how he is.  I was so blown away that someone would care so much they would bring their laptop to me to use. God must have shown her that my blog and my friends help me so much, I need their strength and their prayers. Then  the simple gift from a lady I met briefly in a little shop when I was trying to find the perfect small gift for my son's 3rd birthday which he will be having after his surgery. It is almost as if God showed her that my heart is breaking that he can't have the traditional big 3rd birthday party that I had pretty much already planned out  and had to cancel( since I am a big planner) .  She gave me a hug and helped me with his little gift wrapping it beautifully to take with us to the hospital since his bday is Tues 3/2 . Then later that evening she came by my house ( I have never met her but it is a small town so I am easy to find) and she brought me some scriptures and a coffee mug that I had looked at in the shop and just simply said I am praying for you and your little boy. It was God I saw in her, he came to my house and hugged me through a complete stranger.  Then I received an email from the blog fairy who wanted to help me make my blog beautiful to cheer me up and it looks so beautiful and reminds me that God is really writing my story and he knows the ending and he is with me and will never leave me. I am so thankful for the little things. The blog fairy has more than they can handle as well, but GOD sent them to my rescue.  Friday , Zeb's little preschool helped me on his last day to give him a little party with his friends, nothing major but a early birthday for him since it was his last day until he is recovered from surgery and those little kids were so precious. They had prayer time and they asked for prayer for Zeb. I know without a doubt those precious babies were reaching heaven with prayers for their little friend. I Thank God for them and the faith of a child. Then one of the parents sent him a very special gift and a card that was so precious.  Once again God is surrounding me with his Angels on earth. I see them all around me.  On Friday afternoon, I found out that I was being kidnapped by my Coffee Girls  (basically my besties..the friends you keep to the end of the earth) and they had arranged with my sweet hubby of course and Kidnapped me for the night to make me laugh and have fun and just showered their love on me. I can say that I really laughed and laughed and for a few minutes, I forgot.  Once again God sent the troops to my rescue to put laughter back in my life.  I see him everywhere, I feel him everywhere, why am I having such a crazy sad moment right now????  I am human and a mother of a beautiful little boy who is having heart surgery in a few days, that is why.

Today, Saturday I decided that it would be Girls Morning Out since Daddy and Zbug were going to get haircuts and to do some Daddy/Son stuff. So the Lylechickadees and I headed out to my 2nd fav thing ( Thrift Stores) the first is yard sales but it is still too cold out for them just yet... We had such fun just browsing around and looking at stuff, of course the girls found a few treasures they just HAD TO HAVE and I found a few books, and a bag. Nothing major but I love a .25ct deal. It makes me smile. I always say if you need something I can find it at a deal in a thrift shop or yard sale, You wanna Bet?? I always win! :) ... We then went to Target because it is my fav store and just walked around looking at stuff and went to eat lunch at our fav hotdog stand, SKINS and then we even made a fun time at the grocery store, which I despise.. but we had a fun time just being together. I enjoyed my sweet daughters today.   I Thank God for these moments for they grow up so fast, and I cherish them. It is the little things, but it means so much.

Sonny in the mean time had taken Z to get a haircut and took him by the firestation and he got to see " 2 BIG FIRTRUKS MOMMY 2 BIG ONES" He was so excited, and he enjoyed his time with his Daddy so much he fell sound asleep and I just had to join him. I love cuddleing with him. He is such a snugbug.  I am not sleeping much at night, so that nap was great.

So as you can see I really have had a Absolutely Wonderful last few days, so tonight when I just felt like crying, screaming, etc, I feel guilty because God has given me such wonderful moments and Blessed me so. I just wish I could turn my mind off and not be so scared, but Frankly I don't know how. So now that I have written this entire entry in the blog, I am all cried out and I feel better. This blog is therapy to me and through this blog, I have met many many prayer warriors and heart mommas who know EXACTLY how I am feeling right this very minute. I am overwhelmed with details of trying to make arrangement for my girls, paying my bills,  getting my job in order at work since I will be on leave for a while, cleaning my house continuously why? It doesn't really matter but it is helping me, and trying to not completely lose it in the mean time.  Also, still trying to figure out how in the world I am going to explain to my not yet 3 yr old Miracle that he has to go to the hospital in a few days to have his heart fixed???? HOW ON EARTH? and How will I ever be able to hand him over to the nurses to take him to surgery....HOW?? I can't I know that ..God will have to do that for me. 

And as I am writing this Zeb and his sister are in the floor playing doctor and Zeb comes up with Elmo Stephoscope in hand and says "Give me your Heart Mommy" I gotta check it......Tears rolling down my face,  I grab him and hug him so tight and I say " Lil Man I would give you my heart in a minute if I only could" ...then he checks my heart and said it say chuc chuca chuca ...I laugh and he takes that little hand and wipes my tear and says "It's ok Mommy u heart is ok" ..and runs off back to play with Kerrigan...   My heart will be okay once I know my sweet baby boy's heart is ok.....Jesus Come to Our Rescue...We need you...and We Trust You.  I know this is just the pain Before the Morning...nothing can compare to the JOY THAT IS COMING....  (Before The Morning - Josh Wilson)
Thank you my readers for letting me pour out my heart and my tears. I love you and I covet your prayers. I appreciate you so much. I pray for God's Blessings to be more abundant in your life than every before. ~

Rhonda ~

**** My bff sent me this picture a lil while ago on my phone to remind me of JOY and Zeb was having alot of JOY that day and I know that we Zeb, and our wonderul family will have lots more JOY...This picture was from this summer but it has Blessed me so much tonight..I wanted to share it with you ~~

Zeb sitting on the water spout at the Splash Zone....HE LOVES IT!!