I have not had a good last couple of days, I will admit. I have went from shock, gutwrenching sobs, denial, silent tears, physically sick in my body, to anger so strong that during dinner I felt the urge to fling my plat of spaghetti across the room into the wall or actually just fall in the floor and have an all out fit.
It is so not fair....How fair is it for a Mother to have to see there child playing so innocently and so lively and not know what he has to face, what lies ahead???? How fair is it for a Mother and Father to have to see there son have open heart surgery??? IT IS NOT FAIR!! IT ACTUALLY REALLY REALLY SUCKS!
I know that my sweet heart mom friends, most of you, if not all of you have already faced this journey and you survived. I read your blogs, I have cried many of tears for your sweet precious babies and prayed many of prayers, but still today I can't fathom how you survived. I do know that our hope, our help, our peace is in GOD ALMIGHTY. I pray every day for strength for the journey. AND I am so thankful for my sweet friends and loved ones and all your prayers. It means so much, and day by day, I am feeling better, I am grasping it a little as we wait on the call.
We still haven't heard from MUSC, it should be this week. I tell you I want to know so we can get some sort of plan. How in the world do you even begin to make a plan for your baby to have open heart surgery? I don't know that yet, but I will. I wait for the phone to ring and when it does, I feel terror in my heart, but I know the time will come and we will have to go forward on this journey.
I am thankful today for a little more peace given to me, a little more strength from sweet little innocent words from my lil miracle. Thank you God for Zeb and for the mighty work you will do in his life and heal his broken heart.
Thank you all my friends for all your love, kind words, and prayers. I need you so much and I am so Blessed to have you in my life.
Lil Z and his Daddy!!