Zeb came up trying to hand me something, he said " Here's the shrimps Mommy". I said What?? I looked down at what he handed me and it was 10 or so steri strips from his incision. I literally was about to panic. Daddy came in to save the day and lifted his shirt to check out the situation. It was steri strips, but not all of them, actually only about one half the incision was uncovered but enough. This you see is the first time I have seen the small line down the middle of our precious boy's chest. It wasn't even the complete line and the glimpse of it just took my breath. I know it sounds bizarre, because I was there, I know he had open heart surgery, I saw him in the PCICU, I saw the vent, the tubes, the lines, the bandages. I was there, but this small little one half of a line, made it real to me. I had to regain my composure because I don't ever want him to be ashamed or worried about this. It was just for a moment as a Mommy, I see the reality. I wanted to cry, I wanted to scream, I wanted to be upset, because I can, because I am his Mommy, because it is unfair he has had to go through this, but I won't. I will Praise God! I will Thank Him for this Precious Line on his Chest and I will get used to seeing it and my finger will one day trace it on his little body, and Praise God even more. I will never forget what God has done for him, and I will be reminded every time I see this line. Our son's chest was opened to save his life and he will forever have this line on his body. This scar?? NO I think not..I think this is a Badge of Courage, His Superman Badge, He is our Hero.
Rhonda ~
I am his Mommy, I can cry if I want to , but Praise God through my Tears ~
Of course you can cry if you want to! You ARE the mommy!
ReplyDeleteSometimes when I see a baby's chest...that perfectly smooth chest...it looks funny to me. I'm sure that sounds strange, but I don't remember Derrick ever having a flawlessly smooth chest. Yes, I have a picture of his chest before his first surgery, but I don't really remember him without his scar. It's a reminder that he's a fighter, that he's gone through more in his little life than most adults ever will, that he's a true miracle.
And so is Zeb.
Eventually you'll get used to seeing that "Badge of Courage" on Zeb's chest and it won't take your breath away. It'll make you smile. :)
Oh, and the "shrimps." That's priceless!
ReplyDeleteLorelei calls hers her "zipper", we tell her its the zipper to her heart. It is their badge and we will always ache every time we see it because we are their mommies!
ReplyDeleteLike Shannon said, I don't remember Lo ever not having the scar.
Hugs to you!
Rhonda,
ReplyDeleteEvery night at prayer time, Zach says, "Dear God, I thank you for all my heart zipper friends" and then he names them by name, Zeb included. Welcome to the club! It is a prestigious group!
Have you watched the video of the story behind the song you have playing, Before the Morning? The dad tells his son's CHD story and how because of his heart zipper, his son shared the Gospel with his first grade class about how God healed his broken heart and that He could heal theirs too. It is beautiful! Go to www.beforethemorning.net but first get out a box of tissues!
Heart hugs,
Pam
Oh Rhonda! {{{HUG}}} I remember the first time I saw Logan's incision too. It was hard seeing it for the first time. However after seeing it again post up for the third time now it is a different feeling when I see that new scar. I feel thankful, fortunate and blessed that my precious child was able to be given another chance at life.
ReplyDeleteIt is their badge of courage that they should wear proudly!
The "shrimp" comment was priceless! Silly Zeb!!
OH I love the shrimps!! bless him. Ethans calls his scar his ziiiiiiiiiip (thats how he says it) a friends son comes in shouting that he was bit by a shark - he tells all his friends this too.
ReplyDeleteHuge hugs its hard getting used to it, our couragous boys. our heroes.